


Like It Doesn't Exist

by AdorabloodthirstyKitty



Series: Love Is Strange [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Overdosing, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:24:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6275113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't try to hide the tears. If you cry and yell and scream and fly across this room with just your own reflection, no one needs to know but you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like It Doesn't Exist

When you're told to make an original choreography about an event in your life, you know exactly what you'll do. You don't want to, but you will. It was back around high school, back when it was just you. Before Karkat, before dancing. When your house was always large and pristine and cold, so fucking empty and so goddamn quiet. It was more of a mausoleum then a home, cold and sterile and silent as death, suffocating you with the quiet and loneliness of it.

You'd taken to going out, not sleeping. You'd stay as far away from that big empty crypt as you could. You'd take walks for hours, until the sun faded the inky blackness into dull greys and blues. You'd have a smoke as you watched the sunrise on the cold sand of the beach, or a pretty patch of grass overlooking the city in the hills. You'd only go home long enough to eat, grab clothes, and pack extra shit. And then you'd head out to school, fall asleep in history or whatever the fuck. The beach was more home to you then anywhere else, then the address holding your belongings.

It was another sleepless night on the beach your life changed. A group of kids a little older then you were laughing and smiling, wearing white like angels. They just seemed so happy, so excited. So glad to be there. One of the girls came to you, sayin something about a party, how you should come with them. You left immediately, staying quiet as they talked amongst themselves, going down sidestreets, through a couple alleys. You'd never been to this part of the boardwalk, closer to the city then the beach. They walked through a steel door, ushering you in with wide smiles, and you followed.

The place was dark, special lights making the white clothes the kids wore glow. They danced with you, music shaking and thrumming through the floor, through your motherfuckin bones. They brought you in and made you feel lighter, happier then you had in a long-ass time. So when they bought little pills, asking if you'd want one, you agreed. You popped it, took a swig of water from your pack, and smiled. 

After that first night you kept going, kept finding dark corners to score in. You popped pills and smoked, different pills for different days. You lost days at a time, barely slept, barely ate. But you finally had something to do, something that seemed to help, and it was a blessing.

You overdosed while your brother was visiting. You had just wanted to sleep, to calm down, but you'd had too many in too little time, brain fuzzy and unfocused. He told you he found you looking near death on the floor and had called for an ambulance. You remember flashing lights, too bright in your tired eyes, but not much else. 

You woke up in a hospital bed the night after. Kurloz and your dad sat to your left, looking up sharp as fuck when you groaned at the ache in the back or your head, the pain behind your eyes, in your throat, your stomach. Dad had come to you quickly, looking more scared then you'd ever seen, fluttering large hands over you as if he were afraid to touch you. His voice was even more gravelly then usual, as if he'd been yelling, screaming. It hurt your throat just listening to him. 

"Gamz. Little one," he'd murmured, and before you knew it you were crying, and he was crushing you in a hug, Kurloz coming to your other side to hug you too. You weren't alone anymore. 

It had been a shitty year, one you'll never forget. It had changed you in a lot of ways, but looking back on it years later you wouldn't change it. It had made you stronger, had made you so fuckin happy to still be here. And as you drive to the studio, rain dribbling down onto the windshield, you take a deep breath just to feel the air run through you, to know that you're still here.

You go to an empty room once you get to the studio, letting Fef know you'll be done in an hour or two. You turn on the light of the empty room, pulling off your sneakers and hoodie, tying on your dance shoes. You scroll through your phone, finding the song you've got in mind, and play it loud through the room in the overhead speakers as you think up steps. 

You listen a couple times before you stand, moving along to the song, the steps coming easy as breathing.

Your movements swing between light and heavy, stomping your feet, curling in on yourself with hands in hair, before straightening, floating and flipping. When the chorus comes on you soar, barely touching the ground. You mouth the words as you dance, and by the second time you're screaming them silently, eyes shut tight as heat pools behind your sockets, tears coming out as you throw yourself across the room. You don't try to hide the tears. If you cry and yell and scream and fly across this room with just your own reflection, no one needs to know but you.

You don't know how long you stay in that room, tears streaming down your face as you fly across the room. You don't hear the door when it opens and shuts again, don't hear the footsteps as you go through the last steps, repetitive and stiff like a broken robot. You feel solid arms wrap around you from behind, feel a warm chin set itself on your upturned shoulder. 

Tavros stands behind you, looking at you from the reflection in front of you. His eyes are wide and searching, his arms a comforting weight around your slim frame. He kisses your cheek and then turns to look at you from the mirror again. 

"Feferi says you've been in here, a couple hours."

You don't wipe the teartracks from your face, not wanting to hide from him. He looks at you a little while longer before speaking up again. 

"I was thinking of getting us some food, if you'd want to join me?"

You nod, swallowing past the lump still in your throat. "Yeah. Okay."

He gives a small smile and you smile back, and you change back into your hoodie and sneakers before he takes your hand and leads you out. 

**Author's Note:**

> Chandelier by Sia


End file.
